“I’m taking a year off of school”, “I’m traveling Europe”, “I’m quitting my job.”
“Why?”
“To find myself.”
The Finding Yourself Reason
Finding yourself is a commonly used reason to get out of almost anything you don’t want to do. It’s almost unanimously accepted by society and looked at as a learning experience. Plus, you can post pictures of yourself doing cool stuff while everyone else is working.
I am in no way bashing this mentality. I have traveled across the country trying to find my next city to live in, thinking a new city would bring me salvation. I’ve quit jobs that didn’t make me happy thinking the next job would. I’ve traveled to other countries thinking my experiences would change how I see the world. Yes, I learned a lot from traveling and quitting, but the search didn’t result in me finding myself.
Sacrificing Happiness
When I started the job I am now quitting, I put my heart-and-soul into making it work. My motto became FILO (first-in/last-out, an accounting joke…). I spent mornings sipping coffee while watching the sunrise as a reflection on my monitor. The day would pass and I’d watch the sunset. I thought to myself “This is what hard work is!” “I’m doing it. I’m going to be successful!”
I thought I had it all figured out. Working long hours, developing new processes, coming up with innovative solutions. These were the things employers wanted and startups were supposed to do. No one talks about the other side. My personal life struggled.
I had to say no to nights out with friends, weekend hikes, and hanging out with my girlfriend. When I did hang out with people I either talked work the whole time or didn’t talk because I was too stressed out with the more pressing matters. I spent Saturdays in the coffee shop trying to get more work done, not enjoying life.
My Great Realization
A couple months ago, when I first started blogging, I came to an amazing realization. I don’t have to do things to find myself. I’m finding myself each day I’m alive. Whether at work, hanging out with friends, in the mountains on a hike, on a date with my girlfriend, or traveling. I am finding myself. I’m finding what makes me happy. What I hate. And I’m finding out what I want to do with my time. I had been so stressed out trying to be the person society wanted me to be that I forgot that I answer to myself.
Living life, and enjoying the life I’m already living, is the greatest realization I’ve ever had.
Truly Finding Yourself
The phrase “finding yourself” triggers an image of wanderlust. “If I just travel and see things, everything will fall into place.” This was my thought for the past four-years. Once I started blogging, and focusing on the things that truly make me tick, things started falling into place.
It has taken a lot of hard work getting myself into a truly happy situation. Running from my problems didn’t make them go away. The only way I started finding myself was by creating. The act of creation helped me find what makes me happy, or not-so happy, and made me acutely aware of the amazing life I already have.
Finding yourself isn’t something you can search for, it’s something that happens once you give up searching.