Category: Self-Improvement

I found this in my “random thoughts” note pad on my phone and thought I’d expand upon it.

There’s something I’ve learned from analyzing life and people. A lot of people don’t analyze. And very few people analyze on the margin.

I’m an analyzer. Most of the time I spend thinking about the world around me and how I fit into everyone else’s piece of the puzzle. A lot of times, that leads me to be an over-analyzer (which is definitely not good). However, much of my analysis of others leads me to believe a lot of other people don’t analyze situations as much as I do.

Sometimes I don’t say anything in a situation because I don’t want to offend someone who’s listening in. When I’m in a group of people there are times where someone chimes in with a witty remark only to come across as offensive to someone else. I’ve made plenty of witty remarks, and have probably offended people, but I try to analyze the people around me and look for cues that I was offensive.

The other side to my statement is analyzing on the margin. This goes back to Carl Menger the “founder” of marginal utility. Basically, marginial utility is the amount of utils (pleasure, happiness) one gains from each increasing consumption. Imagine eating a piece of cake. The first piece is delicious but slowly your utils (desire to devour) slows down as you become bloated with sugars. 

Anyway, analyzing on the margin is similar. Your analysis doesn’t occur within a vacuum but instead in between the utils. If you determine you made a mistake within a given situation, how likely are you to repeat that mistake? Do you keep digging yourself a hole during that conversation? Do you repeat the same mistake a day later?

When I analyze, I also read into the reaction of the person I’m discussing with. I try to find out if they find value in my words. If they don’t, I’ve learned two lessons. One, I probably shouldn’t keep going down this path of discussion. And two, this may not be a discussion worth having with others, I might not want to repeat myself in the future.

I think analyzing people is a really interesting trait. It definitely makes me overly aware of emotions around me but it also gives me a chance to better myself. Analyzing on the margin builds my self awareness and gives me a chance to grow into someone better than my previous self.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the person I want to become. A lot of times I have absolutely no clue but there are certain things I want in my life. For one, happiness. I want to be happy to wake up every morning no matter my circumstances. Two, I don’t want to spend my time around people who aren’t making it better. Call me selfish, but as I grow older I realize I only have so much time to make an impact on the world. I don’t want to waste time around people who won’t make me better. The last thing I want in my life is to forgive whatever is outside of my control.

As someone who is big on processes, systems, efficiencies and doing things the “right” way, it’s always been hard for me to let go of what I can’t control. Back when Amazon didn’t have two-day shipping (yes, I’m old enough to remember those days) I used to go crazy waiting for a package to arrive. The anticipation was always greater than whatever was in the box. I always wanted whatever it was, right away. And I wanted it to meet my expectations.

In life, you’ll meet tons of people and opportunities that don’t meet your expectations. You’ll think you’re finding the perfect thing for yourself but really you’re teasing yourself with anticipation. No person, no opportunity, will ever make you whole. The only way to make yourself whole is by forgiving the outside world. The world didn’t make you the way you are. Your brain did. Both biologically and through your upbringing.

By focusing on the things you control, and forgiving others for actions that don’t match your expectations/anticipation, you gain self-control. You gain self-confidence. What I’ve learned as I’ve grown older is I am my own catalyst of making my life what I want it to be. And using my time to take control of my life is what will lead to success. Other people’s actions shall not have an impact on my perception of success.

“If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

We’ve all heard that quote. I think it’s generalizing life far too much. You’ll never know what you love without doing a lot of different things. By trying new things you might discover stuff you hate. You also might discover stuff you like. You might stumble upon passion projects that you obsess over for days, weeks, months or years.

As someone who just started his fifth job in five years, I can tell you I’m always looking for the thing I love. But I am also cognisant of things I hate or don’t like very much. I try to avoid the latter but sometimes I get roped into them without prior knowledge. 

The biggest thing that’s helped me keep my passion up and continue unlocking new doors is by following my infatuations.

As a kid, I remember becoming obsessed with a baseball card game. My friend and I would spend days playing a simple game with a deck of cards, completely driven by luck. But we would track every statistic imagineable. Then, I’d gather all our sheets of data and enter them into Excel. I was far too young to know what I was doing, but I’d find it fun to see which team was statiscally the best, again, based on luck.

Today, I work almost entirely in Excel. I love it. It’s the way I can see how a business operates. A way to make sense out of an over abundance of numbers. A way to teach myself advanced Excel language and find exactly the solution for my problem. 

I’ve always been infatuated with data, especially trackable data sets. There’s something about it that makes me come alive. I don’t look it as work but as a following of passions.

My point is, I don’t think you find your passion by asking the question “what job will make me come alive?” Instead, you find the perfect job for yourself by trying new things and sticking to stuff you’ve been infatuated with for a while. It might be something little, a weird hobby or quirk, or it might be a question you’ve always wanted to answer. No matter what, there’s something out there for you to do. You just need to be aware of the things that make you come alive.

I don’t know about you, but my Facebook feed lately has had a ton of mentions of Gary V, Tim Ferris, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk. All of these guys are at the top of their respective fields. Each of them has a way they got to where they are. But what they say and do isn’t what will work for you. When they say stuff, they’re speaking from past experiences, not in the moment.

The people who can give you the best advice are the people going through the struggle. The ones who haven’t arose from the ashes. The people who are fighting for their livelihood. Last time I checked, none of those guys were. 

The best person in the world to give you advice is yourself. Throw out motivational quotes. Stop thinking about other people’s success stories. Instead, focus on what makes you come alive. Find the stuff you hate doing and eliminate it from your life. Listening to somebody talk on YouTube may create good tidbits of information but that won’t create the life you want to live. 

Focusing on yourself, and what your mind is telling you, is what will work for you. Take advice from others with massive grain of salt.